Life or Death?

This is why people don't like doctors. They can't make up their goddamn minds. One day I read a story about a drink a day being good for you, the next day I read that that same drink is going to give me cancer. Which is it? Since there are conflicting reports, do they cancel out? Does that mean there is no effect?

They (doctors, of course) say that the human body is an insanely complex organism. Then, they spend countless hours, days, weeks, years, and lifetimes trying to figure out how one thing (take your pick: broccoli, cigarettes, tissue paper, carrot juice, staples) will affect your body when ingested. Isn't that a bit ambitious?

Those who think we should keep trying, great! Why don't you figure out how all the substances on the planet Earth interact with our bodies (adjusting for the variability in the organic makeup of 6.5 billion people) and get back to us when you do!

While they're working on that, someone pour some whiskey in my coffee (to get the full medical benefits of both) and light my cigarette. I might as well take pleasure in the things I enjoy. You never know, there might be a report out tomorrow telling you that it'll add ten years to your life.